Time to babble. I feel like writing something, but like 90% of my blogs, they never have any direction. Sometimes what I like to do, is write a list of bullet points that are going through my head at this very moment, and see where I end up going. However this will be one of my first blogs I write being sober. I'm a father now, so I need to make a decent post about how that's going.
I've been needing to wrap up my book too, but there is so much to put into it, and as the years go on, there is more information I want to add to it. I will definitely release version one by sometime next year, and it will be epic. Anyways, let me get on with some bullet points.
I would like to recap my life a little, mostly for myself as a quick reflection.
- I dropped out of Highschool, and moved out onto my own at age 17. I've been living on my own since the age of 17, and I just turned 27 in May, that's a decade now. And let's not forget to mention, the entire time I've been on my own, I've worked for myself the entire time freelance. That's a lot of life lessons. I cannot believe a decade has passed, this is just bizarre, I'm pretty sure my high school reunion is coming up soon too!
- I reported 2 million dollars on my tax returns by the time I was only 19 years old, all self-made, working my ass off in front of a computer. I received my first $100,000 check when I was 17 years old. What do they say? I was in the right place at the right time, or as some people like to say "You make your own luck."
- I lived broke for 2 years (2009-2010) while figuring out my next step. I survived because I bought a house and put a very large down payment. I lived off side jobs, and stopped paying my mortgage for about a year and a half.
- Then in 2010, I raised $125,000 for BEMODEL... One of my passions which I still have ultimate faith in, long story short, we ended up building a shitty product and gave up on it, never even tried to market it. My partner and I still have plans on rebuilding it in 2015.
- I moved back to LA in 2011 for 6 months and then I ended up moving to Vegas for about a year. But I'm going to skip that part for now. Let's just say I went crazy out in Vegas. But not nearly as crazy as Hollywood. If you're interested, you can read a little about my Vegas life here.
- I moved back to LA November 2012 into a damn mansion.
- I filed just shy of 1 million on my tax returns (2011-2013). Not nearly as good, but plenty good enough for now. The difference between my job and other jobs, is that I am one individual who works from a laptop anywhere in the world, not working for anyone but myself. I have a stressful job, it's a hustle job and I don't like it. I am still waiting on my startups to blossom. If you're curious what I do. It's Bitcoin, that's a whole other story. Will I teach what I do, probably.
- The thing is, I'm not happy with my current job, I'm an entrepreneur, not a hustler. I don't like to grind and hustle and work my ass off. I'm a visionary, a leader, I want to give jobs, and help people, not work alone on a fucking computer. I don't care if I make $50,000 a month. Anyways, back to the recap of my life.
- I raged my ass off for one year in Hollywood Hills, rented a mansion that cost me $10,000 per month to live in, and still spent $5,000 a month on bottles in clubs. I had parties beyond my wildest dreams. I was at least some form of high for almost the entire year, mostly drunk. I declared myself as an alcoholic, and I knew I had problems. I drank from morning until night for an entire year straight. No exaggeration. I'm actually 22 days sober today, and a month before that I went 42 days sober. I cannot lie, I had a great time, met a lot of awesome people, but now it's done, and it's over.
So where am I going with all of this? I'm not trying to impress anyone, and I'm not competing with anyone but myself. I say this not only to remind me of what I've done, but also to impress upon you the potential we all have.
I'm nothing but a seriously average person with an insanely addicted obsession towards success. I feel it's the only thing in this world that gives me some sort of significance in this world, and that's a seriously pathetic mindset I've come to find.
I strongly use to believe money and success was the answer to everything, and I'm not denying success or money, I want and need money in order to survive and give my daughter a great life. But I constantly ask myself, why with all the money I had, and all the things I did in my insane Hollywood Hills mansion, did I come out empty handed, and feeling completely empty inside. And it wasn't until I saw Tony Robbins Unleash The Power Within live again, and just started watching his videos on YouTube again, that made it completely clear for me. Partying, hanging out with friends, living the dreams, buying Bentley's, pulling up to clubs looking "cool" so to speak, doing drugs, going to strip clubs and "making it rain," eating at the finest places in Beverly Hills, meeting celebrities, living in a "mansion," the list goes on and on. I could keep telling so many cool stories, and just keep bragging away...
It was only until I finally got off my high-horse, and became sober, that it becomes clear, along with some insight from Tony.
I wasn't growing. If you're not growing, you're dying.
All of that shit that I was doing, was making me unhealthy, constantly poisoning my body. Did you know anything you put in your body that is remotely acidic, lowers your body's PH levels, and this means meat, dairy, sugar, and definitely drugs and alcohol. In the words of my mentor Tony, "Acid is aging." I was completely dependent on drugs, and especially alcohol. I'm still learning to fight it even right now. The entire year in Hollywood, I never went on a single date sober. I was too nervous or anxious. And I went on a lot of dates. I remember even thinking in my head, "Oh my god, I can't be sober, I'll be to awkward and shy." So I would drink an entire bottle of wine before my date arrived. I am not stretching the truth one bit here, not even the slightest. I could not stand being sober, even though I knew deep inside of me I wanted to be healthy and free.
So the point is, I wasn't growing to be a better person, I was just killing myself, and temporarily covering my "true pain and worries" with the feeling of being high and being surrounded by the party life. I think I've narrowed down the source of my pain and desires (sort of). I was masking my true pain of what I envisioned success to be that I haven't achieved yet / again (pain because I didn't have what I wanted). I was sick of waiting for my 10 million dollar check, my Bugatti, and my Beverly Hills mansion. I wanted it all, and I wanted it so bad, and not having it made me feel fucking worthless (not significant). I've tasted the highlife before when I was 18-20 years old. I was getting $250,000 checks from Yahoo. I was sick of fucking waiting, so when I got any decent amounts of cash, I pretended to fucking have $250,000 still coming in every month. So I rented a $10,000 mansion, partied my ass off, bought Ace Of Spades bottles in clubs to show off ($1200 per bottle), bought a $100,000 Bentley in cash. I just simply couldn't be patient and wait to be able to truly afford it.
Now, here's the thing. Would I change it if I could? Maybe. But reminiscing and beating myself up on how much better I could of done it and how much better I could of reinvested my $250,000 I blew away, is just plain ole dumb. I've gone through that vicious cycle already. The point is, I've lived and I've learned, and I guess I could say I've slightly grew from it, could of grown in so many better ways though.
So now I'm on a path of fatherhood, and figuring out what my passions are in life. I'm slowly becoming more clear in my head, and enjoying life sober. My daughter is almost 6 months old, and she's the joy of my life. I feel my love growing stronger for her every single day. I am so glad she came to me when she did, because a big part of me believes I would be dead without her. I have serious health conditions when it comes to drinking, and if I kept up with my same pattern, I don't think I would be writing this blog today.
I have a lot of readers who are from way back in 2006 - 2008 when I was doing MySpace stuff, and probably a lot of you are curious on how you can make the type of money I am right now, which isn't some crazy $250k/mo amount, but it's a good solid 50k+/mo. I don't want this blog to be too long, so I'll just tell you this for now. Bitcoin! It's not to late to ride the Bitcoin wave. I'm also invested into Amazon FBA as well, check out the Amazon course "Amazing Selling Machine."
I've found that working out really fuels me and gets me excited for life, so now I workout consistently at least 3 times a week, I've been doing that for awhile now. I'm still trying to find my passion in business, and what I truly want to build, but I know that will come with time.
But what I am proud of is this. I no longer crave the egotistical part "as much" as I use too, I definitely cannot say I'm perfect and don't care about my self image at all, that would be a load of crap. But I have stopped taking and posting selfies on Instagram from every day to about once every 6 months, I feel like that's a lot of progress! I no longer crave constant attention from people, or need to be seen as the "king" at the round table buying bottles every weekend. I know longer spend worthless amounts of money on pointless merchandise to fill an empty void inside of me (this doesn't mean I don't enjoy toys! It means I don't buy as many!). I don't live in a $10,000/mo mansion anymore, even though I still could. I actually feel I need it more now than I did before! I sold my Bentley Continental GT and downgraded to a 2008 Range Rover Sport! I know it's a still one of those "Hey look at me toys," but I'm not overdoing it until I can truly afford it! Baby steps right?
I feel myself beginning to get happier too, especially with a daughter. I feel like she was my cure to happiness.
Current song playing: Childish Gambino - Pop Thieves (Make It Feel Good)