So 2010 is just 3 weeks away (24 days to be exact), Christmas is only 17 days away, and I am starting to get anxious, not for Christmas, but for the new year. I will admit, 2009 was an epic fail for me, I wrote a list, and accomplished none of it. Who said there was anything wrong with failure, I guess I should be happy I epically failed. Okay maybe not epically happy, but it was once again another lesson, a big one this time. I don't think I have ever completed a new year's resolution list actually. What is going to make 2010 different? A lot of losses happened for me in 2009, and it's time to pick up the pieces, fix it all, and come back even stronger. Pick up the pieces... Starting with me, realizing where I am, physically, mentally, emotionally. I am where I am at because of the actions I took, or another way of looking at it is this, some people believe what happens, happens for a reason. Fate, destiny, both words with simplistic meanings behind them, but to complex to talk about right now. Whatever the reason, however I did get here, I know where I am at, and what needs to be done. Realization, reality, it's hit me hard, I know where I am. Me, who am I, what am I, what's my passion, what's my goal, where do I want to be. I am me, I am whole, I am complete, I know what I want, and I know where I want to be. I am me, and know exactly what I want. I've hit a point, a new level of understanding, a higher level of understanding. I feel like I just graduated internally. Hmmm, let me see how I can explain this. Hitting the bottom, almost to the point of declaring bankruptcy (more personal information revealed), I was literally in the attorney's office. It dawned on me, not right away, just shortly actually. A sense of understanding, hope, a burst of intense hunger hit me. I don't know if you were a reader of my blog before, but I was on and off with my blogs, start a few days, stop a few months, start a few days again, and stop again. This is the most consistent I have ever been with blogging. I love writing, I love venting, I love creating, I love helping, but never could stick to blogging for some reason. Now I didn't let myself hit bankruptcy because I couldn't let me get to that point, even though it would paint a new plate, with 10 years of visible fixed cracks in the plate, I couldn't let me get to that. The overwhelming depression, anxiety, drive, the hunger that ate me up, built a new me, it's hard to explain but it did. Humans are driven by two things, desperation or inspiration, plain and simple. I've always have been inspired, always, and always will be, but to be honest, I hit a point of deep painful desperation. The desperation in me, spawned something, something great, the desire to be great, the desire to fix it all, the desire to rise again, the hunger in me is like never before, like never before. I almost want to say let you get to your worst (long as you're driven by desperation like I was) and watch how it changes it you, it's incredibly life changing, breath taking, and so incredibly dangerously stressful, haha. I have hit a plateau, and rose above it. I know where I am mentally, mentally I have been reborn, this is why I call my blogging The Renovatio. This is why I believe I can pick up the pieces, this is why I believe I will actually follow through with my 2010 New Year's Resolution List, this is why I know I will be at the top next year.
New Year's Resolution List For 2010
This will be a combination of business and personal, I'd rather not split it up into two right now.
- beModel.com to break Alexa top 5000
- To gain 2000 subscribers on my blog
- To get strictly back on The Abs Diet
- To move to LA before next winter
- To read more often
- To step up my photography to the "professional" level
In A Nutshell
That's really all that I would like to complete for 2010, if I can complete that entire list, I will be fully satisfied with myself, and of course crave more once I complete the list :). I've already discovered me, my passion, and where I want to be. I know who I am now. It took 2.1 Million, losing it all, depression, many women, and to the point of declaring bankruptcy. Like any success story right? Seems like a lot of successful people have the same thing in common, Robert Kiyosaki andDonald Trump, just to name a few. Now I know why this recognizing trend is in so many success stories, it's true what happens. As Robert said in his Rich Dad Poor Dad book as well, when he was living in his car with his girlfriend, he reach a sense of realization that drove him, desperation. Hitting solid rock bottom transforms you, like metamorphosis; a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.