I’ve just realized I had an epiphany. I know, weird right? Realized I’ve had an epiphany… Something in me just triggered a sudden burst of some incredible emotions. I think the emotion I am feeling is this burning desire to become something again. I hate this stress, it’s holding me down, and the weight is so unbearable at times. I feel like I am carrying 320 pounds on my shoulders, especially when I am alone, I really begin to realize it. Being alone really puts things into perspective, my mind starts to wander around to things I need to get done, then I begin digging deeper, and then I become depressed. It’s funny though in a way, I get depressed, the depression drives me crazy, then it drives me to wanting to do something with my life again. I guess I could say depression is quite interesting, I actually think I have a bipolar disorder (manic depression). No, not in the way where everyone likes to call themselves or their friends bipolar because their friends have up and down moods. But I really think something is fucked up with my head. I’ve considered therapy quite a few times because I scare myself. Enough of my self demeaning talk. I am working on a big project in fact, the next pioneer in the social networking industry. I do have a lot of faith in it, all the facts add up, and everything sounds crystal. I believe in myself, and I believe in my own work, so therefore it will be big quite soon. I do think I am getting a bit pushed around with it though, that’s what happens when you have an investor though. You lose your idea to somebody else, but I’ll be positive, and maybe something good will come of it. Future possibilities do exist, and he’ll probably end up partnering with me on Drivable.com as well.
I’ve noticed I don’t have much self respect. I give so much, and never expect anything in return. But if somebody asks me for a favor and they promise to do something in return; no matter what form of payment it is (money, labor). I expect that person to stay true to their word, like a real man, a man of their word. But I have come to learn, nobody, and I mean nobody can be trusted, or should I say, nobody is a man of their own word. People make promises, and think nothing of it. It’s truly disgusting. I admit, I am not perfect either, but if I make a promise, I make every effort I possibly can to make sure that I deliver. Especially if borrowing money from a friend who was willing to help when in need. I am beginning to become disgusted with people who ask for help in general, I am beginning to judge people who need help. I know we all need help, but I have just had no positive experiences from helping people who promised to return the favor. Maybe from now on they should say “Hey, I need a favor, I will not return the favor though.” And trust me, I know, you can’t trust anybody, and yes, you should always expect that nobody will be honest to their word, but seriously? Is our society this pitiful and depressing? Am I the only good person in this world who would return something when I say I will, am I the only person who will not steal? Am I the only person who wouldn’t cheat on a test? I highly fucking doubt it, so where are all the good people like myself? Where are the people I can surround myself with that will bring optimism to the table?
I feel like I am shedding, and my new skin will be so thick, people will hate me.
On another note, I am sick of the pessimism I am surrounded by. Some people say they are realist, I say they are pessimist, or stupidist. But as my great grandfather told me “Never let the chicken littles of life mess with your head.”
I have dreams in life, more than dreams actually. I have desires, goals, and ambitions. I am 100% absolutely determined to achieve everything I want, dreamers only dream, achievers achieve what they want and take it. I am selfless, selfish, and have my head up my ass. Yes that’s right, selfless, selfish, and an ego. I am a mix of all three; because I will get what I want, and I know I will. I love helping others, and I know I come first in this life. Just wish I would of realized this a bit sooner. You have to take care of yourself if you ever expect to help someone else. I didn’t help myself in the last two years, I got myself into this dirty mess by wasting my time on others, giving, and helping others. I blame no one except myself. 2009 will be a great year, it will be the year I manifest great things into my life.
I will love my Stella, and she will love me. (No fights) I will clear all my debt. I will sell all my toys. I will sell all my assets. I will sell my house. I will become free, and become possessionless. I will live the dream, and become financially free. I will never slave for money and work for someone else. I set my own rules, my own heights, and my own goals. I will travel the world. I will buy my own island. I will receive an American Express Black Card. I will buy my own private jet. I will start the Fashion Suites. and of course… beModel will explode. and don’t forget Drivable.com
I just wrote my future, I just wrote my goals, I just manifested great things, because I am in fact a believer of the law of attraction (The Secret). I don’t give a shit if you believe it or not, because I will prove to myself I can live the dream. Remember — Don’t trust anyone, and don’t ever expect someone to help you when you are in need. Help your fucking self. (Lesson from 2008; I personally learned with hands on experience.)