First things first. I don't feel like Andrew Fashion anymore, I feel like Andrew Thompson. Ahhh, it feels good to clear the air. Andrew Fashion was when I use to shoot day and night back in 2006-2009. I feel like I've matured a little, and it's time to move on. Not that I won't or cannot shoot anymore, I most definitely will do photoshoots from time to time. If I do a photoshoot, I will mark the photo with "Andrew Fashion Photography" and that's it. Just the other night I decided to go over my old blog posts I wrote back in 2008-2009, and oh boy did I feel like writing something.
My posts from 2008 to early 2009: Movement published 2/1/08 3 Month Recap published 5/30/08 Ugh... published 10/17/08 My Life Back In Colorado published 11/11/08 Lessons From 08 published 1/11/09 I Feel On Top Of The World published 1/30/09
I do want to make a quick little note to anyone reading this, there is absolutely no direction for this blog. I was just reading over my old stuff, and felt like compiling something. Now, you don't have to read all of my old blog posts, but it will give you an idea of my character five years ago. Wow, it's quite interesting to see how I wrote, how I thought, and just what was going through my head. My drive was incredible. I was hungry, hungry as fuck. It's like I have my entire life documented on my blog from when I first started making money, because that is when I started blogging. I have me blogging at my highest point when I was making 100-150k/mo, to when I went broke as fuck, to almost losing my house, to almost declaring bankruptcy, to being incredibly depressed, and so on. Just venting a storm to the world, but at the same time I kept saying things like this:
An excerpt from my blog post "I feel on top of the world" on January 30th, 2009:
"I have jealousy problems, anxiety problems, stress problems, and just overall problems I think mainly caused from debt now, but that’s not going to be a problem anymore, because I know who I am. I know I can get myself out of this, I know I am a great person regardless of my faults, I know I am fixable, I know I am great, and I know can be the greatest. I need to love myself, and take care of myself literally… I can do this, I can rise again, I will rise again, I’ll make millions again, I’ll find love again, I’ll find happiness again."
It's like I would point out all of my flaws, but at the same time, in every blog post I would sneak in some Law of Attraction techniques. I literally went through 20+ of my old blog posts, and I realized in every single blog, I would end the blog with some type of hunger for success, even if I was bitching about people or money. I strongly believe I manifested my own destiny by me writing about it, which is just insane. I believe most people may think about it from time to time, or maybe even talk about it sometimes, but I wrote about it, thought about it, and talked about it. My hunger was so intense, and you can see it in my blogs. I made fucking vision boards! I lived and breathed success. I have always been a believer of the "The Secret," but to look back five years ago, and see it work? I'm speechless.
I mean I was totally fucked. The first time I moved to Los Angeles which was August of 2007, I left my girlfriend in LA in August of 2008. I went home broke, with maybe 20-50k in the bank (this was broke considering I had no income at the time), and blew that by 2009. I was so stubborn, I wouldn't get a job for the life of me. Thankfully I had a house, but I stopped paying my mortgage and just lived for free as long as I could. I was getting foreclosure notices on my door, in my mailbox, and so on. It was so annoying, and so embarrassing. I was getting phone calls from debt collectors left and right, letters in the mailbox about my debts, and I had to sell all of my cars, including my BMW M6. But I didn't care. I still didn't get a job, and I still didn't declare bankruptcy.
Another excerpt from my blog post "I feel on top of the world" on January 30th, 2009:
"We have all these problems we’re all in today, all of us, it’s not just me, and it’s not just you… It’s like an etch-a-sketch, the picture is being shaken, by whomever you want to believe is erasing everything so we can paint a new picture… Maybe it’s a higher being, maybe it’s just the role the universe takes, maybe it’s the law of attraction, maybe it’s energy, who the fuck knows, and who cares. Believe what you want, we are all entitled to our own beliefs. But maybe my etch-a-sketch is just being erased for me to paint a new picture, like a new start…"
I feel like what I'm writing is really just a post for me, and if you the readers enjoy, then great. But... To me, it's like a recollection of thoughts and past memories, just reminding myself of what I've been through, not just financially. Emotionally, and spiritually which I will get to later. What I went through at age 21, still just a kid really, is just incredible. I traveled the world, had all the toys I wanted, and could buy anything I wanted. I went completely broke, and was to stubborn to get a job for two whole years, I struggled living off of McDonalds. The Dollar menu, and this is no exaggeration, not even the slightest. I was scrounging for change around my house, from friends, from the couches, just in order to get a McDouble from the menu...
What was I doing this whole time while barely affording to eat? I was working on ideas, such as BEMODEL, internet marketing, or anything I could do to make a dollar from the internet. However I did raise capital from two investors for BEMODEL in January of 2010, but that company went south shortly, but that's another story entirely which has probably been covered many times in previous blogs. I sold my big money maker website on April 17th of 2008. Which means, I was incomeless for three years. Three years I was incomeless! I had very small jobs come in from time to time, and of course my mother was there to help out a lot with food and what not. I made a very abrupt decision to move to Los Angeles June of 2011 with about $8,000 saved up. I also wrote a blog on this called "How I Made It To Hollywood" if you're interested more in how I made it to Hollywood with only $8,000 and no income.
Just writing about my previous blogs, and reading my past blogs. Honestly, it inspires me all over again, even though I'm completely happy with where I am at now, it relights a flame inside of me, wanting to do more, but more for others now. Here is another excerpt from one of my past blogs in 2009, me telling myself I wrote my future and I will succeed...
An excerpt from my blog post "Lessons From 08" on January 11th, 2009:
I just wrote my future, I just wrote my goals, I just manifested great things, because I am in fact a believer of the law of attraction (The Secret). I don’t give a shit if you believe it or not, because I will prove to myself I can live the dream. Remember — Don’t trust anyone, and don’t ever expect someone to help you when you are in need. Help your fucking self. (Lesson from 2008; I personally learned with hands on experience.)
Clearly, there was some anger behind my posts, but that anger, and the depression drove me to where I am now. Being burned multiple times by people, even in the shitty positions I was in at the time, I was still helping people around me. I gave multiple people around me a place to stay free, I bought people food, and the list goes on. I have always been a giver, even though I chase the dream, and chase the paper, I have always been selfless. Even if I come off egocentric sometimes, I am very selfless and giving. No matter the position I was in, I always tried to see the positive, even though my depression ate me up, I would try to remember this, a very important quote, because it's this quote that really makes you realize something powerful.
An quote from my blog post "Movement" on February 2nd, 2008:
“We must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives.”
Problems shape us, and if it wasn't for me losing everything, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I am grateful for that. I am grateful I lived off nothing but McDoubles for one year. I am grateful I had to lose all of materialistic possessions, all of my cars, all of my toys, my house, and the money in my bank. And when I say lose, I mean I was broke for three entire years with no car, I had to ask my mother for money sometimes just to take girls on dates. Because now I know, materials, it means nothing. I've lost it all once, so losing it all again wouldn't even affect on me, it would almost be just like another challenge I would enjoy overcoming.
You may think I'm contradicting myself right now just because I have a nice house and cars. But I worked blood sweat and tears for what I have. From the bottom to the top (thanks for that line Drake).
Another excerpt from my blog post "Lessons From 08" on January 11th, 2009:
"Something in me just triggered a sudden burst of some incredible emotions. I think the emotion I am feeling is this burning desire to become something again. I hate this stress, it’s holding me down, and the weight is so unbearable at times. I feel like I am carrying 500 pounds on my shoulders, especially when I am alone, I really begin to realize it. Being alone really puts things into perspective, my mind starts to wander around to things I need to get done, then I begin digging deeper, and then I become depressed. It’s funny though in a way, I get depressed, the depression drives me crazy, then it drives me to wanting to do something with my life again."
Losing everything drove me into a pivotal moment in my life. It's almost kind of silly to think, because it's just money, money isn't the cure-all. But, it was all mental. It drove me to depression, a depression so strong I would cry sometimes when I was alone, begging and preying for a way out. There's a quote I like, but needs a little explanation.
"Crying doesn't mean you're weak it means you have been strong for too long."
Some people are just attention whores and little girls who cry when they don't get their way. But, for the rest of the world, I think this quote says a lot.
Enough of the deep depressive past, let me move a little further ahead. I got a little distracted, because a few paragraphs above I mentioned I moved back to Los Angeles June of 2011. That lasted only three months, and then I went to Las Vegas for a year. Oh boy. I covered a little bit of vegas in my blog post "How I Made It To Hollywood."
Las Vegas was great, and I met great people out there, but this is where I spiraled down again... After my breakup with my girlfriend in April of 2012, I started to get excessive with cocaine and MDMA. A good friend of mine suggested I move back to Colorado temporarily to pick myself back up, but it got worse. I don't blame anyone around me, because it was clearly my fault, I was the one buying it, and the one who wanted it. It became the drug I wanted anytime I would even get slightly buzzed from alcohol. So anytime I drank, I would get cocaine. I was constantly out partying, every single night, it was pretty bad. So I got out of Colorado, I couldn't stand it anymore, what I was doing, and what I was doing to myself. I felt trapped, I knew what I was doing, and I wanted Los Angeles back. I wanted to be bigger, and better than ever.
So I moved back to Las Vegas to live with a friend, and to save up to move back to Los Angeles. I got cleaned up, and moved back to Los Angeles November 1st of 2012. Now when I say cleaned up, I don't mean I was some insane drug addict, but I was definitely doing it way to much, and definitely needed to stop. From May 2012 to September 2012, I was in a really bad stage of my life.
Now, this leads to...
I've been in Los Angeles since November 1st, and it's been amazing ever since. I've met the most incredible people. I have a whole set of new amazing, driven, successful friends. We all share the same interests and goals. I got a new roommate February 1st, and not only is he one of my business partners, he became my best friend out here in LA. This roommate of mine has actually shown me a whole different meaning of life that I never appreciated before.
We both are very successful and enjoy chasing the dream. We both want to run billion dollar businesses.
But here is the difference with my roommate versus me. He is one of the most spiritual people I have ever met. Not religious, but spiritual. And to be completely honest, I've never been into religion or spirituality. I am a believer of something bigger, I am a believer of the law of attraction, but I never really thought about anything beyond that. I've always just had the idea of building businesses in my mind.
After observing him for the last few months. I have learned so much, one of the biggest concepts I've learned from him is "living in the moment." Enjoying life, meditating, relaxing, and so on. It's hard to explain, but one of the things I would always do, is just keep moving. I wouldn't enjoy the moment, I was always the get in and get out kind of person. I cared to much about having my phone, my laptop, or where we are going next.
I know this probably seems like a kindergarten kind of concept, but to me... It's completely foreign. But let me give you a couple examples. We have a two story backyard with a full size 8 foot heated pool, with a huge attached jacuzzi that is at 104F 24/7 with jets. We have all the pool toys you could imagine, a giant slide, and the sun beams on our backyard perfectly from 11AM-4PM. He wakes up every morning, meditates in his bathroom with the shower running for 30 minutes, and then showers. Works for a few hours on his computer, and then goes out and enjoys the sun, tans for an hour or so, and jumps in the pool and enjoys it. Just soaks it up every single day. How many times have I done this in the last 6 months of living in a mansion with a full size heated pool. Zero.
Another example, we would go to the grocery store for one thing, a tub of almond ice cream at 10pm. Keep in mind, the grocery store is five blocks away. But that tub of ice cream trip took 1.5 hours, who's counting, I am. That's my problem. By being around him, I'm learning to be carefree and enjoy where we are, at the moment and time. Living in the present is what life is about. My ADHD always kicks in and says "Andrew, check your email!" or "Andrew, where are we going next, we have to get going, what is taking so long to get Ice Cream," meanwhile my friend is just enjoying life, flirting with girls, talking with random people, or just breathing in the air, enjoying his life... Living in the moment.
In a sense, I'm learning to not give a fuck anymore. Because honestly, who cares, who's counting, who's watching, and who's judging? I know this may seem kind of weird, but it's something that's been really helping me relax. The list goes on and on though.
I'm working on getting into meditation, yoga, relaxing in steam rooms, enjoying the sun/beach, and working out everyday. I already strongly believe in karma and being incredibly positive. I try my hardest to be positive at all times, and never talk negative, or talk shit about people, ever. Not to say I'm perfect, but I do believe I am a very positive person. I already eat healthy, and have been Vegan for two years now, although I still eat fish. No, I'm not a Pescetarian, which is what everyone thinks, they still eat eggs and dairy.
In conclusion, I can say this. Since my first $100,000 paycheck in January of 2006 till April of 2013 (present day), which is coming up on almost 8 entire years, of me blogging about my life, my ups, and my downs. I am beyond grateful for the experiences I've had. The people who have come in and out of my life. The people who are still in my life. The new people who are in my life. The family who has been there for me, even though I am a horrible family person. I am grateful that someone or something took everything away from me, and shattered me. I am grateful that I went through the drug experience I did, and came out of it alive. I am grateful to be alive, and to not be one of the suffering, or one of the underprivileged around the world. I plan to do something about this. Because every time I think about it, I know I could be doing something amazing for people around the world. I am grateful I am able to help people around me.
Success is great, and of course I'm driven, and hungry for more. But, really, success is just my creative outlet, it's all I'm good at. I can't draw, I can't sing, I'm not artistic at all. But, what I am good at, is building businesses, and getting things done. The older I get, the more I want to change the world. The more I want to travel. The more I want to experience. The more I want to inspire people.
I guess I need to end this blog at some point. So let me say one more thing. If I can do it. If I can strike luck and make millions, then have it all taken away. Hit rock bottom for three entire years, struggling, and get myself back up to the top. I have no doubt in my mind that you can do it too.
And on another note, it's not lonely at the top at all. I've even brought a few friends from the bottom, to the top, with me.
Just some random notes:
- The song I looped while writing this: Yiruma - River Flows In You. (you can listen to it in the audio player below)
- If any of you follow my blog, then you know I don't proofread my blogs, I just write what's on my mind, and click publish.
- I love Los Angeles, and don't think I will ever live anywhere else anytime soon.
- I want to go to Thailand soon.
- Zeus is still my homie.
- David Lehre made a pretty epic profile video for me.